Death doesn't always mean the end
by Spikesgal248
Summary: What would have happened all technicalities aside if after Spike died, Buffy found that there was still a bit of him alive and that bit was inside her.
1. Where now?

_Hey guys, first chapter pretty slow, short not alot happening and kinda boring lol but things will pick up so please R and R. Thanks._

**Set after chosen**

Dawn: "Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?"

Buffy smiled slowly and happily and sighed, she looked at what was left of Sunnydale and then turned round to look at the survivors, "I have no idea but we can't stay here. Any ideas on where now?" Buffy said, mainly talking to her former Watcher, Giles.  
Giles nodded, stepping forward, "Well we can pretty much go anywhere, there will be potentials all over."

Buffy thought for a minute, "Well New York is pretty big so I'm sure they'll be potentials there.. plus I hear the shops are to die for!"

Giles shrugged, "Well if you're being serious.." he trailed off.  
Buffy nodded, "It doesn't really matter where we go as long as we have somewhere to stay."

Faith frowned, "Yo! B. What we doing for money?"

"I didn't really think that far ahead, yet." Bussy said casting a glance toward Xander and Willow who had been exceptionally quiet.  
"I have a fair bit. Enough for a B and B or something for all of us."  
Buffy shrugged, "We'll take it." she walked over to Willow and Xander. "Hey guys."  
Willow smiled a little, "Hey Buffy."  
"What's up?" Buffy asked, really concerned. She was almost certain she knew Xander's problem but not Willow's.

"I'm fine," Willow said, still smiling, "Just exhausted that spell was major magic."  
Buffy nodded, "But your not hurt or on the brink of turning evil right?"

Willow laughed, "Do I have black roots?"

Buffy laughed, "Gos I hope not, you know how much dye costs nowadays?"

Buffy looked towards Xander, "Hey how's it going?"

Xander looked up, "She died for the greater good right?" He'd left Anya at the altar true but that meant nothing. He hadn't been ready for commitment but it certainly didn't mean he didn't love her.

Buffy nodded, giving him a hug, "She did."

Xander let out a sigh and looked at Giles, "I think he's calling us over."  
The 3 walked over to where the group was standing, "What's up?" Buffy asked, thinking about how many times she'd asked that today.

"We're going to start heading," Giles said, "Just in case all the B and B's get booked up."

Buffy nodded and waited for everyone else to climb onto the bus before she did. She sat alone, leaning her head against the window thinking about two things:

Firstly, how most of her years had been spent in Sunnydale and now it wasn't there, it was all gone and secondly and mainly: Spike.

He had said it wasn't love. She didn't love him, was he right?

Buffy let a tear slide down her face but wiped it away quickly before anyone could see.

It wasn't Angel love but it was definitely love.


	2. Not so good

_Hey guys should be starting to pick up in this chapter so R and R please._

_**4 hours later - New York**_

Buffy sighed, flopping down onto her bed of the B n B Giles had recently booked for her, Dawn, him of course, Xander and Willow. The otehrs were staying at another one not so far from here. Buffy had regretted telling Giles that this B n B "couldn't be that bad." She'd seen loads of disgusting things beign a Slayer but this place was just urgh. Still, she was tired and needed lots of rest.

She couldn't sleep so she went to her bag and picked up her diary, the one she'd kept for years yet no one knew about and never would, until her death which she probably wouldn't have control over people reading it.

She sat thinking, wondering what actually had happened, it had all seemed such a blur, she didn't notice when she started to write:

_So we closed the hellmouth today and ruined Sunnydale all happy right? No way! Spike's gone and the last thing he said to me was that he knew I didn't love him. Did I close off that much when Angel left? Was Riley and Xander right about the things they said before he was gone. I don't know but I know one thing and that's that Spike was wrong. I did love him. When Angel came back I rushed straight to kissing him but the thing is I've never felt more safer than with Spike. His arms are around me and somehow I know that everythings going to be OK. He's the one that gave me the strength to get through this when I was ready to give up. He - _

There was a knock at the door and Buffy quickly hid the diary under her bed, noticing that it had been getting dark outside. Giles walked in and smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"It's all good, we saved the world, changed it, never better," Buffy smiled, no one was going to know how much losing Spike had hurt her. No one.

Giles nodded, "Right well I think we should go out, see how much supernatural activity goes on around here, see if we spot any potentials, get to know the city things like that."

Buffy looked down at what she was wearing, "Sure I'll just get changed first."  
Giles nodded again and went back to his room, whilst Buffy removed the bloodstained T-shirt from where she'd been stabbed and put on another. She looked down at her wound, it had already started healing.

After getting changed, Buffy walked outside where she met Giles, Willow and Xander, "So anyone know where to go?"

"Well we asked around and people think we're like big freaks asking for graveyards but there's one this way," Willow rambled.

Buffy and the others followed Willow to the nearest graveyard.

"Looks like theirs a lot of supernatural going on and looks like some people at the same idea as us," Buffy said noticing Faith taking on a vamp.  
"Yo B!" Faith shouted, dusting the vamp, "Kinda quiet around here, we've been here ever since checking in and one vamp."

Buffy shrugged, "Sounds good to me."

Faith raised an eyebrow, she had always loved being the Slayer whereas Buffy had seen it as a job.

Buffy looked over at Faith, "Well I've had my fair share of fighting this last day, you should go back to the B n B there's nothing left to do and we could do with tons more rest, we'll catch you tomorrow."

Buffy and Faith went seperate ways, their "gang" in tow.

Willow started talking about something or other on the way home but Buffy could hear: her eyes weren't adjusting properly, everything seemed wavy and not right, she fainted and the next time she opened her eyes, all she sad was the things to indicate she was where she hated most in this world: hospitals.


	3. How the what?

_OK so really short but hey, things really should start picking up now, please R and R._

Buffy's eyelids flickered open and she looked up, barely remembering what had happened.

"Will," she said hoaresly.

"Hey Buffy," Willow said trying to be chirpy, "You're awake. That's good."

"Number 1 why am I here and 2 why does God hate me so much he has to put me in a hospital?" Buffy said attempting to make a small joke, considering how much she hated these places.

Willow smiled, "You fainted." She turned from smiley and chirpy to worried, "We're not sure why. The doctors are finding out."

As soon as she'd said that, a doctor came to Buffy's bed, "Buffy Summers?"

Buffy nodded and the doctor looked at Willow, "Can we have a few moments please?"

Willow nodded and walked outside to meet Giles, Xander and Dawn, "The doctor wanted to talk to her, she just woke up."

They all gave a sigh of relief, at least they knew she was semi-OK. They sat waiting on news of something, all thinking the same thing:

The last time they were all here was for Joyce. She was no longer around.

Dawn started crying, she'd lost a mum, went through the whole 'not being real' period of her life and now something was wrong with her sister than noone had any idea about.

Willow walked over to her, "Hey Dawnie, don't cry it'll be OK, ssh," she put her arm around her to comfort her, praying that they'd hear something soon and that that something would be good.

"I'm what!" Buffy said, feeling like she was going to faint again.

The doctor smiled, "You're pregnant."

After a long pause, all Buffy could say was, "How?" very faintly, so faint the doctor didn't hear but continued with what he was saying.

"Congratulations your going to be a mother."

Buffy was silent. How could this have happened? Well she knew how it could have happened but how was it possible? Spike was a vampire. She supressed the tears she felt bubbling at the thought of Spike, she put on a brave face for the doctor, she'd had years experience of it after all.

"H-How long pregnant?" Buffy asked.

"We suspect around 3 weeks," the doctor replied, smiling.

"So when can I leave?" Buffy asked, wanting out of this place.

The doctor smiled, "You're desperate and you can leave now, everything's fine, just usual for sickness and dizzyness."

Buffy smiled, getting up out of bed, feeling less dizzy, _At least that's a start, _she thought.

She went to the hospital bathroom to get changed out of the horrid hospital gear.. she wanted to go home. _Not like that's happening since it's gone, _Buffy thought sadly. But she wanted out of here, back to the B n B.

After discharging herself she walked out to the waiting area where she suspected her friends would be and sure enough there they were.

"Buffy!" Dawn ran up to her, "Are you OK? What happened? Where you going?"

Buffy smiled, she had to be brave, for Dawn.

"I'm fine, it was just something stupid to do with me not having enough food in the system," Buffy lied, "And I'm going back to the B n B with you guys because hospitals suck and the doc says I could."

"Just like that?" Dawn asked.

"Just like that." Buffy smiled.

"Neat!"

Buffy laughed, putting her arm around her sister, "Sorry to scare you guys, can we go now this place is really freaky."

Giles laughed, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Glad you're OK."

The 5 of them left, Buffy's thoughts ran on yet she tried to put them out of her head, knowing that when she thought about it properly she would breakdown.


	4. All about you

_OK I was tempted to call this chapter Depression 101 but thought I better not but it's kinad lost of tears type thing so uh.. just please R and R. Thanks._

When they got to the B n B, Buffy gave another fake smile then said, "I'm just going to go freshen up and have a quick lie down, you know how much I hate hospitals."

The others nodded and went their seperate ways, Willow walked to her room, conflicted. Should she go ask Buffy what was really wrong or should she leave it be for now in

case it was something serious? Then again, she couldn't not know if it was something serious: she HAD to know the real problem.

Buffy opened the door, puffy eyed and Willow knew straight away she had been crying. Buffy sighed, trying not to breakdown completely, there was no way of getting out of

explaining this she could hardly say there was nothing wrong.

Buffy opened the door wider to gesture that Willow could come in, Willow stepped inside Buffy's room and sat on the bed, a sad expression on her face. She hated seeing

her friend like this, especially when she didn't know the problem.

Buffy gave a tiny, wavering, half-hearted smile. She closed the door and went to sit down beside Willow, "Guess I can't really try the nothing's wrong routine can I?"

Willow shook her head, "Pain in the ass or not, I'm your best friend still and you can't get nothing by me, especially not a lame excuse like that," Willow said, more

concerned than anything. "What's going on Buffy?" Willow pretty much pleaded.

Buffy choked back the tears she felt coming, how was she meant to say this?

She'd been strong long enough and there was no way she was getting through this without crying so she let the tears flow.

"I'm pregnant," Buffy said putting her head in her hands and sobbing.

Willow put her arm over Buffy's back but it was a delayed reaction. Part of her was relieved that it wasn't some life threatening illness but another part was confused,

shocked and upset for her friend, "Spike's?" Willow asked softly

Buffy looked at her a little annoyed, "Of couse it was Spike's!" she said defensively, hurt that Willow might think it was something else, "but I don't understand how and I

don't understand why," Buffy said crying bucket loads by now.

Willow bit her lip, not having a clue in the world what to say. She was never good in these situations and for that reason a part of her wished she hadn't found out. "It'll be

OK," she said rubbing her friend's back, trying to soothe her.

"How in the world is it going to be OK? Spike's gone and he isn't coming back and I'm stuck here with his baby," Buffy said crying even more over the realization that Spike really wasn't coming back then hating herself for using the word "stuck" as though she hated the baby already.

Willow's heart broke for her best friend, they'd overcome god knows how many apocalypses and had fought various and difficult demons and other supernatural stuff yet the worst thing of it all seemed to be this and this wasn't even supernatural - minus the vampire dad.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but we're going to get through this, I promise," Willow said hugging her, trying to comfort her a little.

Buffy just nodded, didn't believe a word of it but nodded.

Willlow stood up, Buffy needed time alone, "Want me to tell Giles?" Willow offered.

Buffy stood up also, roughly wiping her tears away but not being able to erase the pain, "No!" she said sharply, "I mean thanks but it's - it'ssomething I'll have to tell him myself, in my own time so if you wouldn't mind keeping quiet?" Buffy choked out.

Willow nodded, "Sure," she hugged her friend again as if to repeat her words of 'we'll get through this,' then left.

Buffy closed the door after her, fighting back tears, she'd had plenty of practice with faking smiles and holding back tears. She noticed it was dark outside and she was beyond tired, she turned out the light and climbed into bed. The last time she'd be in a bed or sleeping, was when she found out she was ahving Spike's baby and the time before that she'd actually been wih Spike. She cried herself to sleep.


	5. Pretty well, right?

_This kinda took me a while longer than the others because I couldn't decide on Giles' reaction but I think I finally got somewhere lol. Please R and R._

Buffy woke with a start, but feeling better than last night and less tearful, maybe she'd cried herself dry? She couldn't believe she'd broke down like that in front of Willow, but she was feeling better today. Stronger.

She sighed, getting up, getting a quick shower and changed.

She wondered when she would start to get bigger and whether she could just not tell the others til then. She knew that she couldn't do that, but in every way possible she didn't want to do this.

She contemplated who she would go to see first. She decided on Giles, get the worst over with first. Would he be disappointed in her? He had always been like her dad and this was going to be more difficult than she even realized.

She took a deep breath and on her way to Giles's room, a thousand different scenarios crossed her mind, none like what actually happened.

Buffy knocked lightly on Giles' door, part of her praying he wouldn't be in but she heard footsteps then the door opened and hey presto, there was Giles.

"Oh, Buffy, what a nice surprise, do come in," Giles said in his manner which was half stuttery and always made Buffy think he was nervous.

Buffy walked in giving a small smile.

"How can I assist you?" Giles asked pleasantly, his face dropping a little at Buffy's facial expression, he wondered what was wrong.

"I have something to tell you," Buffy said, biting her lip nervously.

Giles nodded, "Please sit down," he said gesturing towards two beds in his room.

Buffy sat down, Giles opposite her, she looked at the floor, taking another deep breath.

"There's really no way I can say this - " Buffy started.

Giles sat patiently, not interrupting but worried, this didn't sound good. Not good at all.

Buffy cleared her throat, "Well everyone knew me and Spike were, well, together but - " Buffy paused again, "I don't know how and I can't understand why but, I'm pregnant."

_Silence, never good, _Buffy thought to herself.

"That the real reason you fainted?" Giles asked.

_Not what I was hoping for but its a start, _Buffy nodded.

Giles stood up, taking his glasses off and cleaning them then popping them back on, "Buffy," he started looking at her, "I don't see why had to live to us."

Buffy looked at the floor.

"At times I didn't quite - approve of Spike but you cared for each other."

"Loved - each other," Buffy cut in, everyone wasn't getting away with thinknig it was some kind of fling, it was love even if SPike himself didn't think she felt the same.

Giles nodded, "The point is, you shouldn't have lied."

"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me," Buffy said a few tears welling.

Giles gave a sad smile, "Never. I might not have approved of Spike but like you pointed out you loved each other and you were both adults."

Buffy shed more tears at Giles' use of "were." Everywhere she went seemed to point out that Spike was gone and not coming back.

"I'm sorry, about Spike," Giles said softly, "Are you keeping the baby?"

Buffy looked up, "It's the only thing left I have of Spike."

Giles nodded, "The next while is going to be tough but I will be there in everyway I can," he said, smiling supportively.

Buffy stood up, "That went a lot better than thought," she said wiping away the tears that had fallen, "Thanks."

Giles smiled, "Do the others know?"

Buffy shook her head, "Not yet. Willow does but she figured a lot of it out."

Giles nodded, "I'll see you in a while, I'm guessing," he said giving her a quick hug.

Buffy gave a sad smile then went back to her room, she couldn't face telling the others. She decided to go see Willow. She went to her room and knocked, walking in.

Willow smiled, "Hey Buffy."

"Hey, um.. i just wanted to say thanks for earlier."

Willow smiled, "What friends are for."

"And I was wondering if you would do me a favour?" Buffy asked feeling kind of bad for asking this but she didn't want the others to think she was telling them last then again she'd already dealt with more than she thought she could handle at this time.

"What is it?" Willow asked.

Buffy sighed, "Tell the others, I told Giles but I can't face the rest just now."

Willow nodded, "Of course. How did he take it?"

Buffy smiled, "Pretty well,"

Willow smiled, "See I knew it was all going to be OK."

Buffy smiled then turned around and walked out, "Thanks."


	6. Backstabbing

_OK this is going to start getting kinda melodramatic but hey, hope you all like it. The whole L.A./New York thing is dodgy moneywise and stuff but hey, just imagine lol. Please review._

Willow heard a knock on her door and grabbed Buffy's phone she'd left behind and opened the door, "Here don't - oh, Giles. I thought it was Buffy."

Giles nodded, barging past her, "We need to talk."

Willow rolled her eyes a little, closing the door, "Well come in then." She looked at him, sighing, "This is about Buffy right?"

Buffy got to her door just as she remembered she'd forgot her phone, "Shoot!" she made her way back to Willlow's and although she knew it was wrong, when she heard Giles voice she couldn't help but listen knowing full well it would be about her.

Giles nodded again, "Indeed."

"Oh," Willow said quietly, judging by the barging through, he wasn't in the best of moods.

"This is terrible," Giles said.

Willow bit her lip, "Buffy said you took it well. Just a front?"

Giles nodded, "Of couse. How could anyone take this well? I mean, Spike? I don't even know how its possible. He's not a living creature. For all we know that thing inside her might not even be human, we can't let it happen."

Willow stayed silent.

Buffy had heard/not heard enough from both of them. It was one thing to completely lie about being happy for her and insulting the ex dead boyfriend but not even telling her and saying it behind her back. Her best friend and the person she'd always looked up to as a dad.

She was too annoyed to cry which was good in a way because she hated the whiny Buffy more than anything else.

She ran back to her room and threw the few clothes that were lying around the room back into her bag. She was about to walk out, just like that when her thoughts ran to Dawn. She'd be safe here with them...but she wanted her to know how much she loved her and that none of this was her fault.

_Figure by now Giles and Willow have probably filled everyone in. I don't know where we're going or what we're going to do but whatever happens don't try to find me. If I come back it'll be when I'm ready. Or when i think you may have got over me having Spike's child. Either way, I'm sorry for skipping out like this but I just need time and as far as I heard so do some of you. _

_Dawn, forgive me for this but you'll probably be better off without me. _

_I love you all but this is something I have to do. Faith's around if anything supernatural comes up. _

_Buffy_

Buffy closed her eyes, holding all the tears back and grabbing her bag, having no idea where she was heading. She walked out of the B n B and looked around. It was night and she didn't have a lot of money, just enough for...Buffy thought wondering if it was. After all there was a major gap betwen them.

She sighed, walking out and asking around for local train stations that would go from New York to L.A.

After finding out what she needed, she waited for half an hour at the train station then her train arrived. She sighed, getting onto it. There was no going back now.

Giles sighed, standing up, "Do you know if she had plans to tell the others?"

Willow shook her head, "She asked me to. She couldn't cope."

Giles nodded, "I'll think of something or find something as to how this could have happened but until then we're just going to have to pretend we're supportive God knows what she'd do if she knew how we really felt."  
Willow gave a sad smile and nodded, showing Giles out. She felt really bad. She was happy for Buffy, she really was but she felt bitchy and sorrow for her best friend especially considering if Giles was right and her baby wasn't human, would they have to ... Willow couldn't even think about it. She couldn't. Who would think about killing an unborn baby which might in some strange unexplainable situation might be human.

Willow sighed feeling even more bitchy now that she was going to see Buffy, pretend like everything was OK. She picked up her phone and went to Buffy's room.


	7. Telling

_OK kinda short, boring chapter but hey please review. Also sorry to say but I might not be able to update for a while but I'll try as soon as possible. _

As soon as Willow had found out she had ran straight to Giles. "Buffy's missing."

"What do you mean 'she's missing?'" Giles asked calmly.

A freaking out Willow replied, "I mean she's not there, all her stuffs gone and she left this," Willow said handing the note to Giles.

Giles read it over twice to make sure this was really happening, he looked up slightly aghast, "You suppose she heard us talking?"

"Well yeah what train of thought are you on?" Willow asked annoyed, guilty and worried. A thousand things were running through her head. If anything happened to Buffy or maybe even the baby no matter how young it was, it was her fault. Hers and Giles.

She looked at him worriedly, "What are we going to do!"

Giles sighed, setting the note down, taking off his glasses and rubbing his temple, "There's nothing we can do."

Willow looked at him partly in disgust, "So we're just going to leave her? Who knows where she is. She could be dead for all we know and it's our fault."

Giles looked way, "We didn't know she was listening." He said, quietly. "What are we going to tell Dawn?"  
Willow's eyes opened in horror, "OH no, I didn't think of that, Giles I can't do it. I can't tell Dawn," Willow panicked.

Giles sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder, "I'll do it."

Willow gave the slightest of smiles, "How do you think she'll take it?"

"And it's your fault? Yours and Willows?" Dawn shouted, upset, angry and confused. "She could be hurt or anything!" she said, less annoyed and getting more upset.

Giles looked at a quiet Willow and then Dawn, he walked closer, "I'm –"

Dawn glared at him, "What I'm I going to do? Buffy's gone," Dawn started crying not sure whether to be angry or upset.

Willow walked over to her, deciding that it was time for her part. She put her arm around Dawn, "Don't worry Dawnie, she'll be back."

Dawn looked at her, "You don't know that."

"Yes I can sweetie, because we're going to find her. No matter what she says."

A while later, after they'd left Dawn alone, Willow and Giles were alone again, "One down," Willow sighed. At least it was the hardest right?

Giles looked at her, "Are you really going to try find Buffy?" he asked softly.

"I haven't the slightest idea, Buffy wants to be left alone but Dawn needs her sister.

Buffy looked around L.A. more lost than ever, wondering if the others knew yet or if Dawn knew.

She'd asked around for _Angel Investigations _and it looked like that was where she was headed. They'd changed location since she'd last been here, she bit her lip, taking a deep breath wondering whether she should really do this or just go back.

She walked bravely up and into the building. Angel noticed her before she noticed him, "Buffy."

She looked at him, "I didn't have anywhere else to go."


	8. Just friends

_Ok guys you'll have to bear with me and imagine. Not really watched Angel season 4 or 5 but I caught up on the internet and stuff so hope I don't do too bad. This is season 5 in Angel but Spike's not back. Enjoy._

She walked bravely up and into the building. Angel noticed her before she noticed him, "Buffy."

She looked at him, "I didn't have anywhere else to go."

They stood staring at each other for what seemed like forever. Fred walked down from her upstairs room, holding a book in her hand. She stopped as she saw Buffy, "Client?" she asked Angel. The moment she looked at him, she knew that it wasn't.

"Buffy," Angel said again, softly. To answer Fred's question, he shook his head breaking the gaze, "Uh...," he didn't know what to say. It wasn't like he hadn't seen her before. Not so long ago he'd paid a visit to Sunnydale but this seemed strange and unexpected.

"Sorry to intrude," Buffy said quietly.

Fred looked at the two of them, "I'm going to go - " she didn't finish the sentence, just slowly disappeared upstairs.

Angel shook his head as if to say 'it's OK' then paused, "Are you OK?" he asked, noticing for the first time that she looked like she'd been crying.

Buffy walked closer and sat down as Angel pointed to two seats where they sat.

Buffy closed her eyes, trying once again not to break down but everything seemed so difficult _so what going to your ex who you loved will make it easier? _Buffy thought to herself.

Angel looked at her, making her look at him, "It's OK, Buffy. Take your time. What's wrong?"

Time was what she needed but she couldn't say this slowly. "I'm pregnant with Spike's kid, I don't know how, he's dead and Willow and Giles didn't like it so I came here and now you are going to hate me too." Buffy rushed, without taking a breath.

Angel was silent for a few minutes, he knew there had been something between them but this? Although a vampire, it seemed Spike was capable of giving her all of what he couldn't, "Buffy – "

Buffy cut him off, tears in her eyes, "Don't tell me it's OK, don't lie to me and pretend your fine with it. I shouldn't have come," she grabbed her bag and stood up, walking to the door.

Angel jumped up, grabbing her arm to stop her, "I'm not going to lie to you." He paused for a moment or two, "I have no idea how this happened and it kinda hurts me because you know Spike and a baby – wow but all of my feelings aside. You need help and I'm not letting you go to god knows where without any help. You can stay here as long as you need and I'll support you all the way, no lie." Angel said, all of that was true, not like he'd lied apart form the kinda hurt because if his heart beat, right now it would be breaking.

Buffy bit her lip, to fight back tears, she looked up at him, "You mean that?"

Angel looked her right in the eyes, "Does it honestly look like I'm lying?"

Buffy let a few teas flow, burying into Angel. It wasn't like the cuddle meant anything. It was just a thanks and a comfort, right?


	9. Xander

_OK this chapter kinda short and all conversation but I thought that you might want to see how Xander kind of took it and a little bit of where headed next so please review. Thanks._

Buffy broke away, thinking what Spike would be like if he had saw them cuddling then again it was just a thank you hug and _Spike's gone_, Buffy thought to herself, sadly.

"UH…," Buffy started wincing, "Can I maybe stay a few days?" She felt bad and cheeky coming here like this and asking to stay but she really had nowhere else to go.

Angel nodded, "Sure. Stay as long as you need."

Buffy gave a weak smile, "Thanks."

Giles and Willow had told the others, including 'Faith's gang.' Xander had been pretty quiet about it but Willow thought that was mainly because of Anya, she was partly right.

Faith's initial reaction was, "Woah B skipped town huh?"

At this precise moment, Willow was in Xander's room, trying to get out of him what was wrong, after all, they'd been together for what seemed like forever.

Xander shrugged, looking away, "It's nothing, just you know everyone's going," he said, not wanting to be too honest after all, it was a kinda lame thing for why he'd been so quiet.

"You mean Anya?" Willow asked softly.

Xander nodded, "And Buffy. I mean… I know this might sound stupid or whatever but I never looked beyond Sunnydale. We spent years fighting and must have known we wouldn't always be together but if Buffy doesn't come back then that's everyone breaking apart. Buffy, Anya, god even Spike: everyone knew we well pretty much hated each other but the gang was together so long and now everything's changing," Xander said looking everywhere but at Willow, he sounded so stupid! Why did he even tell her?

"I get it," Willow said, looking straight at him, "We always expected to be together forever and stuff and now that things have changed and so quickly it just seems like everything we've known is breaking apart."

Xander gave a small smile, worried about the Buffster though, "Are we going to try find Buffy?"

Willow shrugged, "Me and Giles took a, what he'd call an 'educated guess' and guessed she'd have went to Angel's."  
Xander looked at her, for about the first time today, "You think so? I mean with Spike and all?"

"It's the only person she knows around here besides her dad and she hasn't saw him for a long while. Plus, we know that Angel would actually be there for her," Willow said, feeling bad once again about what Giles and her had been saying. Even though their worries could turn out to be truth.

Xander realized that she hadn't actually answered the question. "So we going to Angel's? Is there a plan or something?"

"Well, we decided that we should leave it for maybe a week or two. She's in safe hands if she's with Angel."

"And if she's not? With Angel?" Xander prodded.

"We'll find her, she'll be OK, it's Buffy."

Xander looked at Willow as she turned to go, "How is Dawn holding up?"

He knew that she most probably hadn't token it well but he hadn't seen her since he knew all that was happening too.

Willow looked at him, "She's hating me and Giles. She's confused, upset, angry…" Willow trailed off, "I'll see you tomorrow," she said, giving a small smile, closing Xander's door.

Xander watched her go then thought about Giles mostly. He couldn't blame this on Willow, even if he wanted to. He couldn't be angry. God, she tried to destroy the world and he wasn't angry then again that wasn't really her fault but Giles?

It was no secret Xander and Spike didn't get on at times, or even at all really, but that didn't mean Xander wouldn't have been happy for her and it didn't mean he wouldn't have supported her 100.


	10. Hope alot of

_OK hey guys kinda farfetched in some places but hey, hope you enjoy let me know what you think. Thanks._

**3 WEEKS LATER – Angel Investigations**

Buffy walked down the stairs of _Angel Investigations, _with her bag.

Angel and Gunn, who had been working on a case looked up.

"You're leaving," Angel said, not really sure whether that was more of a statement or a question.

Gunn looked between Angel and Buffy, there was never any point staying around when they 'had to talk.'

"I'm gunna go deal with this," Gunn said, waving sheets of paper about the attack that had happened last night in front of Angel, "Catch ya later," he said walking out, into the night.

"Be careful," Angel shouted then looked at Buffy.

Buffy, in a way, felt like she was throwing their hospitality back in their faces, but she couldn't stay here forever.

She nodded, "Thanks, for everything but I should go, I've already troubled you enough. Also I should let Dawnie and the others know that I'm OK, they'll be worried. Can't run forever right?"

Angel nodded, "I understand," he really did, didn't mean he wanted her to go though, "Buffy."

Buffy looked at him, "Yeah?" she asked.

"You weren't trouble. Anytime you need to get away just you know, don't be a stranger. Keep in touch. Let me know how things are going with the baby and everything," Angel said, feeling like he was loosing her all over again then again he hadn't really 'had' her again so it wasn't like he could loose her.

Buffy smiled, giving him a hug and this one was definitely just a thanks, no doubt about it.

"Do you have a plan or something?" Angel asked, letting her go.

Buffy smiled, "I'll figure something out, as always," it didn't have to be said, but she thought she would anyway, "Angel, thanks again for everything. I mean it, don't know what I would have done without you."

Angel watched her walked to the door and let out a small, "Anytime." He watched her leave, he'd always love her and he would always own a small piece of her part whether she let on or not but for now, she'd moved on.

**A WEEK AFTER BUFFY HAD LEFT – B n B**

Xander glared more at Giles than his best friend, Willow, "We can't what if she comes back?"

He glanced at Dawn, he wasn't just doing this for Dawn but they'd been silent long enough, listening to Willow and Giles, now it was their time for input.

Giles sighed, taking his glasses off and wiping them then propping them back on, "We don't even know if she's coming back."

That annoyed Xander for two reasons in particular, but mainly because Dawn was in the room.

She'd wanted Xander to go with her to find her sister but he couldn't do it. He didn't want everyone to break up because he was scared that if they did it know there would be no reuniting, plus he couldn't leave Willow.

"So what we're just going to up and go and pray that she's OK? Because God's been so good to us in the past," Xander said through gritted teeth.

There was no point repeating everything they'd been arguing non-stop about for about an hour so Xander and Giles just glared at each other. Although knowing that they'd never fight or anything so stupid, Willow stepped in between them, "This isn't helping. Giles, Buffy is coming back and we can't leave her without a contact number, we'll ask the staff to give it to her when comes here and hope they do. Xander, we can't stay here forever, we have Slayers to help and train, Buffy will be fine. We've known her for over seven years, you know she'll find us," Willow said, giving a small, fake smile. She hoped that all she had said was true but to be honest she didn't have a lot of hope that Buffy would come back. It had been a week and she hadn't been in contact but she had to hope for the best, for Dawn's sake. She ha to believe that Buffy wouldn't leave her sister, even in the hands of her friends.

She'd died to save her once so she couldn't just leave her, right?


	11. Canada

_OK a lot of talking and stuff but I thought it was necessary so let me know what you think._

Buffy walked into the B n B that her sister and friends had been staying at. She walked up to the counter, where a woman was, it wasn't the same woman as when Buffy had last been here but she might be able to help.

"Hi, can I help you?" the woman asked pleasantly.

"Um…," Buffy said, trying to think about whose name they'd put it under, "Do you know if the people from floor 2 checked out? A um...redhead, teen-girl… oh! Under the names Giles, I think," Buffy said remembering.

The secretary tapped a few keys on her keyboard then looked at her, "Are you Buffy Summers?" she asked friendly.

Buffy wondered how she knew but nodded her head anyway.

"Apparently your friends or family or whoever checked out a fortnight ago but they left a message," she said, scribbling a few notes onto a piece of paper and handing it to Buffy.

Buffy smiled, "Thanks."

She walked outside, realizing that it would have been better to have read it indoors when it was actually light, but settled for hovering under a streetlamp to read it.

_Buffy, _

_Not sure if you are coming back but Dawn and Xander were worried. Me and Giles too. We got reports of a possible potential and Kennedy has family near-by so we decided to check it out – Canada. Call 01837453094 to get in touch. Hope we hear from you soon._

_Willow_

Buffy looked around, wondering whether she should go or not. Should she phone first? Should she go there first then phone? Maybe they'd moved on already then what? She couldn't follow them halfway across the world and they might have given up hope already. Buffy pulled out her mobile. She had no money on it but there was a payphone right across the corner. She scrolled down to Angel's name. Maybe she should go back to his?

Buffy sat down on a nearby bench, contemplating what to do. She finally got up and walked to the pay phone, dialling the number on the piece of paper hoping someone would pick up. Hopefully not Giles, she couldn't face him right now. Not sure what there was left to say.

She sighed, listening to the ringing. She was just about to put the phone down when a male voice answered, "Yello?"

"Xander?" Buffy asked, quietly. Did he know? Would he be mad at her?

"Buffy? That you?" Xander said.

Buffy nodded then realized that would do no good, "Yea," she said. "It's me."

"Where are you? Are you OK? What's happening? When will we see you?" Xander said firing questions at her.

"I'm still in New York. I was going to come see you guys but didn't know if I should and I'm fine," she said, giving a small smile, he didn't seem mad.

"Do you have enough money? I could come pick you up or – something," Xander said, his head in a spin.

"Angel gave me some, I'll be fine. It's too long for you to drive. I'll get a train. Do you think that it'll be OK with – everyone?" Buffy asked quietly, her throat dry. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

"Of course it'll be fine. They'll be happy too see you. Everyone's been really worried what with you and the baby."

"How's Dawn?" Buffy asked.

Xander spoke quieter than he had been doing, "She's pretty broken up, Buff. She misses you, she didn't know if you'd be coming back or if you were alive or anything," he wasn't trying to play the guilt card but it was true and he didn't want to lie to Buffy.

Buffy was a little thrown off by that Did Dawn really think Buffy would leave her? Then again she had left without little word.

"You still there?" Xander asked worriedly.

"Uh... yeah... just thinking is all. I'll get a train and I'll see you probably early tomorrow. I'll call you when I get to Canada. OK?" Buffy asked.

"Sure. Be careful." Xander said, at least he knew she was OK but he didn't know how the others would deal. They'd all be happy, wouldn't they?

Buffy hung up and after asking for directions and getting lost about 5 times, she got to the nearest train station. Unlucky for her, she'd just missed the train she should have gotten which meant she either had to wait for 3 hours or take the train where she'd have to change trains a couple of times.

"Guess we're playing musical trains," Buffy muttered, waiting for her train to arrive.

**KENNEDY'S AUNT'S PLACE**

"Hey Xander, You OK?" Willow asked a Xander who looked between confused and shooken up.

Xander nodded, should he tell her?

Dawn watched quietly, waiting for Willow to go. She wasn't stupid. "Who was on the phone?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"N-Nobody," Xander said then looked at her, as if noticing for the first time it was Dawn. He might have not told anyone else but he wouldn't leave Dawn wondering about Buffy when he knew, "Buffy," he said quietly.

Dawn's eyes opened, "Is – Is she OK?"

Xander nodded, "Yeah but quieten down, I'm not sure whether to tell everyone else, yet."

Dawn shrugged, they were the reason she left but it didn't mean they didn't want her back. At this moment she didn't care much, she was just glad to have her sister back.


	12. One After Another

_Hey sorry it took me a while to update but just want you all to know I'm definitely not giving up on the story or anything...just been busy. Hope you like this chapter, everything finally starting to pick up. I might have changed a few things since I haven't really watched Angel season 5...I heard some stuff and read some stuff but I thought it would be a lot better if I either waited til I did watch it which could be forever or just make it up, but I don';t refer to it too much anyway so bear with me and please review. Any comments welcome._

**L.A. - Angel Investigations(night after Buffy phoned Xander)**

The moment it had happened, Angel knew he should have phoned Buffy straight away and couldn't understand how he kept cool and actually thought it through. Maybe it was because he wasn't human but either way he wished he hadn't thought about it. People say that sometimes its better to react on instinct and in this one situation Angel wished he had.

How could he tell Buffy? Should he tell Buffy? Of course he should but back to question 1: how could he? It wasn't really the thing you could do over the phone then again it wasn't really something there was an instruction manual to. He could just about imagine the conversation...phone your ex, the love of your life to tell her that after one of your worst enemies, who she ended shacking up with after you left, who then died and left her with a kid which in all ways possible is impossible, is now back? Yeah, maybe a great topic starter for a new show or new book along the title lines of _Everyway possible to mess up your life and confuse you beyond actual confusion, _then sure it would be great but in reality? No fricking way.

Spike, having no idea how on earth he got back, just that it had something to do with that freaky amulet he had been wearing that Angel had got, didn't know how he could keep cool either, it definitely had to be a vamp thing.

"If you pace anymore you'll break the floorboards," he said calmly, he too was freaking. Angel and him? Never got on well, not even hundreds of years ago when they were family and then the things with Buffy? That helped a lot, yeah right. How was he back? Why was he back?

Angel jumped and stop pacing, he hadn't even realized he had been doing it. He thought Buffy was his main problem which he still held to but until now he hadn't even thought of what to do about Spike. _Great, Angel Investigations. We help the helpless. So case study/review? Let's see: _

_Dead dad (not as in deadbeat as in actual dead, vampire) manages to somehow have a child, with a chosen one, someone who would usually kill his kind but he has a soul and is 'reformed.' Considering the circumstances things are going pretty well until this big huge evil arises and the dead dad dies, meanwhil;e the unexplainable and the impossible happens when the Slayer becomes pregnant with his child. The Slayer runs away from friends and only family memeber she has left because they can't cope and can't understand. She goes to her ex who will always be there for her but she only classes as a friend since she's moved on to his enemy. She goes back to friends and poof! Somehow the amulet is 'returned to owner' and the dead boyfriend is dead no longer... or at least he is but he's walking dead._

Angel threw his head back, how great would it be if there was some sort of thing in the supernatural suckish life which made you stp thinking? Because this was 'killing him.'

"You're doing it again," Spike said raising an eyebrow at Angel who had began pacing again, he leaned one arm against the wall, tilting his head side4ways to watch Angel. Angel was taking this harder than Spike which considering Spike had been the actual dead one seemed pretty weird, he couldn't hate him THAT much.

Angel ignored him, feeling an urge to bite his knuckles like he did when he was a kid, when he was human. A long, long, long time ago.

Spike rolled his eyes, sighing, forcing all thoughts of Buffy and everything else that had happened out of his head. _Only one nervouse breakdown at a time and Angel has that covered, _Spike said to himself then out loud, "You know if I'm that bad I can always jump back into the sodding amulet." He ha been trying to 'lighten' the mood yet somehow he guessed it wouldn't have but he hadn't counted on Angel's freakout.

"Is everything a joke to you? Because I'm telling you I am not laughing! I don't know why you're here, I don't know HOW you're here, I don't know how you could have a bloody kid and more importantly I don't know - " Angel froze, oh god he'd just said it, he hadn't meant it, he just well, freaked and now he was gonig to have to explain something he knew basically nothign about to Spike.

Spike glared at him, taken aback, "You know, Angel," Spike said uneasily, "That's not even funny," Angel didn't seem like he was making with the funny, then again he hardly ever was, brooding was his type, yet there was no way Spike could or would let himself believe he had a child.

**CANADA - Same time, Different place**

Buffy stepped off the train, looking around. She had got here later than planned but it wasn't really her fault. She'd been way down on the sleep count and fell asleep at the train station, then again in a 3 hour wait what else is there to do? Buffy was just glad that after she missed the train she planned on, there was only one other train left on that platform which was thankfully, also to Canada. Even more fortunate for Buffy that some guy had woken her up, then again every guy seemed to remind her of Spike and every memory of Spike led her to her impossible child which led to Giles and Willow which led to a lot of things which Buffy was trying not to think about.

She sighed, her eyes finally resting on a payphone. She pulled out the crumpled piece of paper in her pocket and dialed Xander. Dawn picked up, "Hi, who's calling?"

Buffy wasn't sure whether to be panicked or relieved. Dawn was OK which was a major relief but if she told her what would she do? She had to talk though, say something.

"Hello?" Dawn questioned, wondering whether it was a prank.

She was just about to hang up the phone, when Buffy spoke. Although very faint Dawn heard.

"Buffy!" She squealed excitedly and a little too loud, she looked around, thankful that everyone else minus Xander and Kennedy's aunt were away out trying to locate the potential.

"Hey Dawnie," Buffy said, "Look I need you to do me a favour, don't let anyone know its me on the phone, not yet. I don't know if Xander's told anyone or whatever but - is he there?"

"Umm...yeah he's upstairs. I can go get him, Xander said you'd be here earlier I was worried or more worried," Dawn said.

Buffy winced, "You knew? Who else?"

"No one. Xander told me because I overheard the call and knew something was up," Dawn said shrugging then realizing it was pointless since she was on the phone but it was more of a habit type thing, "I'll go get Xander," Dawn said resting the phone down and not hearing Buffy's small 'Thanks.'

**TRAIN STATION - Half an hour later**

He spotted her before she saw him which if any of them were thinking about it may have seemed strange since she was super slayer and he'd just had serious eye damage but this wasn't on any of there minds.

Xander was the first one to run up to Buffy and give her a huge hug, Buffy hugged him back, resisting the urge to cry.

Buffy gave a strange look when she saw Dawn running up just behind Xander but either way she was glad. After letting go of Xander, she hugged Dawn also, giving Xander a strange sort of look.

They'd agreed that it would just be them so they could talk or something, three weeks was pretty long considering and her best buddy had been seriously worried.

Xander siled, just glad that she was back and shrugged, "She refused to stay behind. Don't blame me, we all know how stubborn the Summers are and I'm not getting on the wrong side of either of you."

Buffy gave a wavery laugh, Xander would always come through, whether it was before an apocolypse or in a really awkward position, he'd lighten it somehow.

"I missed you guys," Buffy said then quietly said, "I'm sorry."

Xander shrugged, pretending to roll his eyes. He wasn't mad, in fact considering everything, including his hatred for Spike he was pretty understanding. "We'll deal with all that later," he said, giving a goofy smile, "We're just glad to have you back."


	13. Civillised

_Sorry for taking a while to update but was really busy anyhow I'll update sooner from now on so pleasr review and enjoy._

**Kennedy's Aunts – half hour later**

The car journey had been quiet. For the first ten minutes or so Xander tried small talk but then it all just faded out to silence. Maybe Xander and Dawn were thinking about what was going to happen when she got back to everyone else's but at least they knew most of it. Did the others know she was coming? If not what would they be like? A bundle of nerves and hopes filled Buffy's mind on the way there. When they got there, even the massive place in front of her didn't get her mind of her worries.

Xander jumped out the car first to open the door for Buffy.

She nodded in a thank you style as Dawn jumped out then said to him, biting her lip, "Do they know?"

For a minute he considered asking do they know what but he knew what she was talking about, he winced, "No. They were away trying to help the potential," it was only half a lie. They had went out to see the potential, which as they stepped inside the house seemed they were still out doing, but he had plenty of time to tell them before they went.

"Oh," Buffy said, looking around, wondering whether that was a good thing or not.

After dumping the bags and the small talk, it was pretty late. Willow, Giles and the others still weren't back and although she'd slept on the train, Buffy was pretty beat. Xander had been up most of the night worrying so they both went to bed whilst Dawn watched television.

**Angel Investigations**

Spike had flipped, scattered or at least tried to, after getting burnt a little in the sun he burst back in and sat on the couch. He'd been silent ever since, tapping his feet now and again, biting knuckles but that was all.

Angel had been watching him for the best part of half an hour. It had been his fault; he shouldn't have told him, not like that.

Angel bit his lip, finally speaking, "What you going to do?"

His reaction was as expected, Angel couldn't blame him yet he knew they had to do something soon. Whether he liked it or not. Whether it was possible or not. Spike had a child.

"Does it honestly look to you, like I know what I'm going to do?" Spike pretty much shouted standing up and taking his turn at pacing, "I don't know why I'm back or even if I'm back for long, could just be a quickie little visit."

Angel raised an eyebrow, still watching him before quietly saying, "Maybe your back because of it. Either way you have to decide what to do."

"Don't you think I don't know that!" Spike asked beyond pissed, he threw his head back. It wasn't even possible.

Angel kept quiet, he didn't know what he'd do if it had been his and this was like ten times worse. I mean Spike?

"I can hardly just show up at Buffy's house and say 'hey honey guess what I'm back yeah from the double dead, heard we have a kid?'"

"Sunnydale's gone so you'd be showing up in Canada," Angel said.

Spike glared at him not even bothering to ask, he couldn't deal with much more, "Whatever that's not the point."

"Well why don't you just sleep and hen when we're all calm we can fix it later?" Angel shrugged.

Spike exploded again, "Sleep? I can't sleep not now and fix it! How do we FIX IT!"

Angel sighed, loosing patience, "Ok your right, you just keep pacing and shouting every now and then and then this will all disappear."

Spike glared at him again, not appreciating the sarcasm at this point.

After what seemed like an hour or three of 'cooling down' and 'thinking rationally' Spike decided he had to go see her, what he had to say didn't matter, it was his responsibility, dead dad or not.

Angel looked outside, biting his lip, "Spike?"

Spike rolled his eyes, "What?"

"It's daytime," Angel shrugged, "The only way your getting to Canada now is if you become dust first and then fly, you'll have to wait 'til night. I'll pay."

Spike nodded, this was as close to a civilised conversation and friendship him and Angel had had but they both knew it had nothing to do with each other and everything to do with Buffy.


	14. Revelations

_Hey guys, hope everyone's enjoying it. This chapter will probably get a little unreal but that's the magic of stories right? Also I've changed something that didn't happen in Angel so ssh lol. Enjoy and review! _

**Kennedy's Aunts**

Buffy had slept only a few hours before returning downstairs where both Xander and Dawn were but no one else. She looked at Xander curiously and he knew straight away what she meant, "Still out with potential. Was getting worried for a while but Will phoned said they'd most likely be out all night."

"Did you tell them I'm back?" Buffy asked.

Xander shook his head, "They were pretty caught up. I thought I'd leave it as a sort of surprise."

Buffy could have bet her life that that wasn't the reason he didn't say anything but she let it go.

"You want something to eat?" Dawn asked.

Buffy shook her head, "Ate on the train."

Time from there had pretty much pushed in, going slower than ever mainly for Buffy. Most of the time was spent watching TV, Buffy felt it was because none of them knew what to say and she was partly glad for that. The rest of the night was spent filled with small talks and Xander's untimely jokes. Buffy didn't feel right here which may or may not have been her fault but at least Xander and Dawn were glad to see her.

Her mind was mainly on the worry of what the others would react like when they got back in the morning, she stifled a yawn and looked at the clock: 10.

She looked at Xander and Dawn who looked as exhausted as she felt.

"I'm going to go sleep," she said.

Dawn and Xander looked at her, Xander turned off the TV, "Yeah good idea. I'm going to turn in too."

Dawn sighed, "Guess that means night to me too."

Buffy walked up to her room. She had been shown 'her room' earlier when they had put her bags in there. It felt odd, almost like this huge place, just the room was bigger than her old house.

She sighed turning the lights off and going to sleep.

**Angel Investigations**

Angel handed Spike some money and patted him on the back, "Good luck."

Spike took it and nodded, "Thanks."

Over a hundred years of hate and yet now there seemed to be a little of peace, whether it was for the sake of Buffy or not.

"I'll let you know how it goes, how they're," Spike said. He'd always hated Angel, mainly because he had and could get anything Spike wanted, but he cared for Buffy and had helped Spike on the money front; he owed him.

It was only 10 o'clock and lucky for Spike, Angel knew there was a train pretty soon. Also lucky that Buffy had told Angel where she was.

Spike sighed, walking out of _Angel Investigations _and to the train station. He wondered what on earth was going to happen when he got there, he had no idea but he knew it was something he had to do.

He got to the train station and on the train, wishing he could sleep but knowing it would never happen.

There was something he hadn't told Angel. Something major. He wondered whether it was for the best. He had planned to tell him but after being told about his child he decided not to. It was another thing that was messed up in his life. His relationship before with Buffy was rocky and almost a joke at times but now that everything had happened, including, now this and the kid? What was going to happen now? Spike finally fell asleep.

**BUFFY **

She had known straight away something was wrong. There was blood. Too much. Her first thoughts had been the baby but only for a few seconds before all thoughts evaporated and everything went black.

The next thing she remembered was Xander and Dawn lifting her? Then after that lights, beeping and people bustling around. Everything was hazy.

Buffy groaned as she realized she was back in a hospital; but that was only for a minute before she quietly said, "My baby then a little louder, "What's happening? The baby?"

That was as far as she got before she was out of it again.

Xander sat tapping his feet in the hallway, his hands clasped under his chin. He glanced at Dawn who was sleeping. He didn't have any idea how long he'd been here.

Him and Dawn had been sleeping until he got up for a glass of water and heard a thump. At first he thought it was Dawn falling out of bed or something stupid until he found Buffy in the bathroom.

That had been around 3, god knows what time it was now.

He wondered how long it would take; so far no one knew but him and Dawn. He'd let the others know as soon as he actually knew what was happening, which as it turned out wasn't long as a nurse walked up to him.

"Are you with Buffy Summers?" she asked politely.

Xander almost jumped up, "Yeah, what's wrong? Is she OK?"

The nurse looked at the floor for a minute. She, in herself had been doing this for around 3 years but it never got any easier.

"There's been a problem…or two. We're not sure if she'll make it."


	15. All downhill from here?

_Hey guys, a lot might hate me for this chapter but hey. Braces self Enjoy!_

Xander stared at her, almost blankly. He understood but right now his brain just wasn't processing it. Or anything else.

The nurse looked at him sadly. Regretfully.

"She's suffered from a miscarriage. The baby's gone and we're not sure if Buffy will make it," she said softly.

Xander almost laughed at her choice of words. 'Suffered' like it was some sort of illness. 'Gone' like it what just ran away or something instead of died.

Xander didn't say anything, couldn't say anything, he looked at Dawn, almost crying.

"I-Is there a payphone around?"

The Nurse nodded sadly, pointing the way to a pay phone.

Xander quickly typed in the number of Kennedy's Aunts, hoping they'd be back by now. Lucky for him, they were.

Willow picked up her voice not so cheery as usual, "Hello?"

"Will, its me," Xander said shakily.

"Xander!" Willow gushed, "We were so worried we got home and you and Dawn weren't here and where are you? Is Dawn OK? What's wrong?"

Xander heard Giles and Faith in the background asking what was happening but ignored it all, everything seemed grave.

"It's Buffy," Xander said quietly, trying to get his head together, "S-she's lost the baby and they don't know if she'll make it."

After the five minutes which felt like four hours of silence Willow replied with, "Where are you?" after he told her, he went back to Dawn, not wanting to leave her alone. Luckily she was still sleeping, he didn't want to deal with her, not now anyway.

Half an hour later Willow and Giles rushed through the hospital doors. They'd informed the others but didn't want to crowd the place too much. Willow found Xander and ran up to him, hugging him, looking at Dawn sleeping.

"Heard anything?" Willow asked.

Xander shook his head. He'd been waiting for ages, bracing himself for when Dawn woke up. What would he tell her?

Giles placed a hand on Xander's shoulder then looked at a stirring Dawn, "Does she - ?" Giles said trailing off.

Xander shook his head again, almost as if he'd forgotten how to speak.

Xander jumped up as another, different nurse approached.

"Buffy?" he asked.

The nurse nodded, half smiling, "She's awake but we're not guaranteeing anything. She's not very stable at the moment."

It had took him a while but Spike had found the house he was looking for and ran in, not even bother knocking.

Spike was more than puzzled to find everyone up, he ran straight into Faith.

"Woah! What the hell you – " Faith cut herself off as she looked up, "Spike!" she asked confused as hell.

Spike nodded, "Long story really have no idea. Something to do with the shiny amulet thing. Where's Buffy?"

Faith looked at him, "Um," she bit her lip, "How much do you know?"

Spike shrugged, "She's pregnant, somehow with my kid and I really need to see her so whatever issues you have with me don't matter OK? Just tell me where she is."

Faith sighed, wondering how to tell him and decided to play it straight, "B's in hospital, man."

Spike's face etched in concern, she couldn't be in labour no way so something had to be wrong, "What's wrong?" he asked.

Faith shook her head, "I'll drive you to the hospital later and you can find out."

"Later?" Spike raised an eyebrow, "I have to see her, know what's wrong, can you take me now?" "Dude, sunlight?" Faith pointed out.

Spike sighed, he hadn't planned on telling anyone before Buffy but if it was the only way to convinced Faith to get to her then it didn't matter.

He shrugged, "Yeah kinda came back more human than before."

Faith looked at him, gaping, "Wow. That's – that's wow."

Spike raised an eyebrow, "Yeah I know but I'm over it. Can you take me or not?"

Faith nodded, grabbing her keys and shouting to the others that she was going out, she headed for the door.

Dawn and Xander had went in first. Dawn had been expecting her to look rough but it was nothing for what she saw.

She'd been in hospital to see people a few times. She winced, shutting her eyes at the memory of her mum; but she'd never actually seen anyone all wired up, until now.

Dawn swallowed, walking over to Buffy and kissing her lightly on the forehead, "Hey Buffy, its us," she looked at Xander, "Can she hear us?"

Before he could reply, Buffy opened her eyes, "I can hear," she said slowly and quietly.

"Hey Buff," Xander said.

"The baby," Buffy almost whimpered.

Xander looked at her sadly, "Baby didn't make it Buff," he said quietly.

Buffy nodded, tears threatening to spill, "They told me."

Dawn looked at her big sister, feeling like hell and not even wanting to know how Buffy must be feeling, "Willow and Giles are here," Dawn said, wondering whether that would annoy her or make her happy.

"They came?" Buffy said, half amazed. She wasn't angry, couldn't be if she wanted to be.

Xander nodded, "Their outside waiting on you to get better. We know you need rest and stuff so we thought we'd just come in to say hi and let you know we're here," Xander gave a small smile, "We'll let you rest."

Dawn gave Buffy's hand a small squeeze then turned to leave with Xander.

"Wait!" Buffy said a little louder and desperate than she meant. "Can I talk to – Xander? For a minute?" she asked Dawn.

Dawn nodded, going outside to where Giles and Willow were.

Xander walked back to Buffy, sitting beside her, "What is it, Buff?"

Buffy coughed and weakly and slowly said, "They said, I might not make it."  
Xander shook his head, "Nuuh no way is that happening."

Buffy looked at him sadly, "If I don't make it – "

Xander cut her off, standing up, "Buffy your talking stupid."

"Xander!" Buffy said sharply, "Listen, please. If I don't make it, look after Dawn for me, don't let anything happen to her."

Xander listened reluctantly, tears spilling, "Never," he whispered.


	16. Happy Ending?

"Dawn says she looks pretty bad," Willow said to Xander as he came out of Buffy's room, "Does she?"

Xander looked at Dawn then Giles, he motioned to Willow to let them speak alone.

"She- she said to me – well, she doesn't think she'll make it," Xander said quietly, wiping his arms.

Willow cuddled him, tightly. "She's a fighter though, right? She'll make it, she has to. We can't loose her again."

Willow said, trying to stay strong amazingly, for Xander. The three had been together from the beginning, Xander and Willow had been together before even Buffy but Willow knew how much he – and everyone cared for Buffy, including her. But at this precise moment, it was killing Xander and Willow knew it.

They went back to the others, Giles giving a slight nod of hi.

They'd been sitting for almost an hour when it happened. He happened. Dawn had seen him first. Him and Faith.

She ran up to him without so much as a word, cuddling him, like a little child at playschool running up to her dad after a long day without seeing him.

She knew why; he'd always felt like family to her and when Buffy and her mum were gone, he was all she had had and he'd looked out for her. Even when Buffy was there.

She didn't let him go, even when Xander and the others came up, looking at him in disbelief.

"Spike!" Xander said. It seemed to be the first piece of motivation he'd had since Buffy had been brought in.

Spike shook his head, "Long story, I'm back and," he pointed outside, "Kinda... human."

"This is extraordinary, how did this – " Giles started to ask before Willow and Xander cut him off with sharp looks.

Xander and Spike had never really got along but right now that didn't matter, nothing did but Buffy.

"How is she? What's happening?" Spike asked, after Dawn finally let go of him, he gave her a small smile.

"Do you know about the baby?" Willow asked, instead of making Xander explain.

Spike nodded.

"It didn't make it," Xander piped up, quietly. Feeling really bad for the guy when he saw his features fall.

"Buffy?" Spike asked, swallowing.

Xnader shook his head, falling back for Willow to take over.

"She's not looking very good," she said honestly."

"C-Can I see her?" Spike asked.

Willow bit her lip, looking at Xander.

Xander nodded. "We were leaving her to rest but of course you can."

Xander gestured to Buffy's room and Spike nodded, going toward it and then entering.

Buffy opened her eyes slowly, "Spike?" she asked painfully.

Spike nodded, "Hey," he said looking at her. He'd never really saw anyone in hospital. In his days as a human they hadn't had them and in his vampire days he didn't really go there either.

"Am I dead?" Buffy asked, half confused, "In heaven? Am I dreaming?"

Spike smiled slightly, "Your alive and your awake."

"How?"

"Angel's amulet thingy, I sort of got sucked in and came back." Spike said wondering if he should add in that he'd came back human, he decided not to.

Buffy smiled, a proper smile, one that she hadn't used in so long. "It's really you?"

Spike nodded, entwining his fingers and hers.

"We had -," Buffy trailed off, how could she tell him about the baby she'd lost?

Spike nodded, "Shh I know. About the baby. It doesn't matter, not now. Just focus on getting better."

"I tho- " She didn't get any further when the machines starting going crazy or something. Spike had no idea what was happening but he knew I wasn't good. Everything went hazy and he vaguely heard or remembered being asked to leave and sitting outside. It seemed as if he was in another world, a different dimension, one where nothing was clear.

He finally broke free of the world as a Nurse approached, him and Xander both jumped up whilst the others looked up intently.

Everything seemed so different now.

Buffy gone.

Spike gone.

Dawn gone.

They didn't live that far away but things were still very different.

A few weeks after Buffy had been stabilised and let out of the hospital, her and Spike had got a new apartment together. They all lived their now: Spike, Buffy, Dawn. The big happy family.

They saw each other a lot, Canada was seemingly everyone's new home. Willow and Kennedy were still living at Kennedy's aunts and the others were still crashing there.

Spike being human seemed so weird, everyone had gotten used to him being a vampire and it had certainly set him back a few paces when the whole gang had went on patrol one night and he realized his whole fighting skills had disappeared with his vampire half: guess that's the price for being able to finally walk into sunlight.

They'd never have a normal life, none of the gang and everyone knew that yet it didn't matter. This was as normal a life as any of them could wish for.

Andrew had scattered soon after the battle to god knows where.

Loosing the baby had been a shock to everyone yet it had brought Buffy and Spike real close together and made them more grateful for each other and the time they had. It had made a lot of them feel that way.

Things definitely went weirder as Xander and Dawn almost got together but it hadn't lasted along before they realized that was beyond freaky, they were pretty much family.

Everyone had settled down in Canada of all places but as Giles said at least it was away from the Hellmouth in Cleaveland.

The gang had grew loads even since Sunnydale: Faith, Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles, Dawn, Spike, Kennedy and loads of the other potentials who were now Slayers. Also they'd got a few new Slayers in Canada who'd joined the gang but no matter how many more joined, the real gang would always be Xander, Buffy, Willow and Giles – 'til the end and nothing was coming between that. Ever…

THE END

_So we finally got there. Thanks for all the reviews up 'til now, hope everyone enjoyed the story. I was told that um There's a small button at the right hand side at the bottom of the page that you should press and then tell me how you liked the story so yeah just um… do that! Thanks again for reading and reviewing, let me know what you think to the ending…._


End file.
